Trump ekes out a win after canceling every single mail-in ballot (again, but it worked this time) in a slow slide of land election. He officially broke the 270 mark yesterday morning after those pesky election workers finally finished counting with all their fingers and toes, not quite eviscerating Kamala Harris but at least hitting a T-bag.
Read MoreTo say that the 2024 Presidential Race will be a turning point in the history of the United States is dumb, because that’s what every single presidential race is, that’s the point. The president, once elected, does their job and then things happen, at least that’s what I’m led to believe. We the voters of like 7 states bestow a great power onto one individual, so the decision of those people in those 7 states should not be taken lightly. As a trusted news organization who’s readers span the globe*, Off Leash News felt like it was time we shared our informed and unbiased and stupid opinion on this presidential race. We have decided to officially endorse Robert F. Kennedy Jr. for President.
Read MoreHalloween is my favorite holiday. It has been since I was a wee lad, dressing up as Obi-Wan Kenobi or a zombie that one time. I was never into candy that much, but I was obsessed with the pageantry of Halloween. I’ve never been so into fashion than when I’m picking out my costume. That zombie costume I mentioned was actually really cool; we burned the edges of my t-shirt, spread charcoal stains on my jacket, and bloodied my face with some blood we found in our backyard. One year I was a hobo, which you can’t do anymore because of the woke left, but I embodied what it meant to be a homeless man as a 10-year old because we were living in a simpler time. I’m not even gonna talk about the time I was a princess.
Read MoreIf everything else fails, one thing remains true: University of Washington will never be outdone by Washington State University. Not in academics, not in location, not in football unless you count those times that were fake anyways, and certainly not in sexually offending students. Therefore, when Washington State came under fire in mid-September for allowing a level three sex offender to attend classes, University of Washington administration knew it had to do something.
Read MoreCareer fairs have taken the job market by storm, revolutionizing how students think about career networking. The University of Washington touts numerous patterns where these fairs can be discovered, including a unique section on the platform Handshake. On the ground, though, the situation is dire. There are far too few recruiters and too many attendees. Third-year comp science student, Michael Bayely, described his concerns over having attended so many career fairs to middling results.
Read MoreIf you’ve ever wanted to see how Senator Romney loosens up during his visits to Miami, or what Representative Boebert wishes she wore while at the movie theater, you’re in luck.
Read MoreNews broke Wednesday, October 16 that One Direction “star” Liam Payne has died after falling from a Buenos Aires balcony, much to the dismay of many fans. The “singer” was reportedly behaving erratically and was believed to be under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
Read MoreFirst things first, I’m really fucking smart. I got a 1420 on my SAT’s when I was a junior in high school, and Harvard just about got down on their knees and sucked whatever I’ve got down there just to beg me to come to them. But lucky for you guys, I chose the University of Washington in good ol’ Seattle, because somebody’s gotta tell those dusty seismo-nerds jacking it to little heart monitor scribbles when they need to ditch the “Drop. Cover. And Hold On.”
Read MoreAs the school year opens, so do many hearts, and also many legs. This can be fine, especially with those who are okay bumping uglies and then never seeing their ugly bumping partner again, however not everyone can be that emotionally unavailable and unafraid to stare down the looming monster known as chlamydia. And God knows that for every unabashed slut roaming UDistrict, there’s a hopeless romantic with misguided trust sitting at home. Or at a bar.
Read MoreAfter over nearly a century of brewing Second Amendment tensions, Americans have cultivated a reputation for being gun-loving freedom whores armed with military-grade assault rifles. In recent years though, something else has become clear. Maybe it’s not reallythat surprising we got our asses kicked in Vietnam. Clearly none of you bitches can shoot a gun.
Read MoreFWOC. (First Week of Class, for any losers.) A time honored tradition. The only time when it really does seem like 40,000 students go to this school, because somehow every single one of them has managed to get in my way today.
Read MoreIn a somewhat shocking announcement this morning, the Office of Ceremonies has stated that 2024 Annual Commencement ceremonies across all departments, including The Big One, will be canceled, though the reason behind this decision remains unclear to the public. In an email sent to all students, faculty, and staff, the Office of Ceremonies also included a link to a file titled “womp_womp.mp3,” which, predictably, was an audio recording of a melancholy trombone sound.
Read MoreThe UW Alumni Association, UWAA (not to be confused with UW Alcoholics Anonymous – also commonly referred to as Off Leash News) is one of the great benefits of being a member of the UW Dawg Pack. The association gives UW Alumni the opportunity to add people you don’t know on Linkedin, see people make six figures working at Amazon right out of college while you are stuck working as a barista, and check up on the guy you hooked up with two years ago.
Read MoreThe University of Washington administration is having a great week. The campus is looking beautiful in its spring greenery and students are super engaged and excited to learn. The administration wants to assure everyone that everything is fine and normal and that nothing is going on out of the ordinary.
Read MoreThe Washington based aviation company, Boeing, has been in the news recently for all of the wrong reasons. From doors flying off their airplanes, maybe definitely killing whistleblowers, and a bunch of other stuff that I don’t want to research, the company’s public image is in a complete free fall. Curiously, however, the University of Washington, this past Monday, named Boeing as the title sponsor of the popular swimming spot and also crew racing course, the Montlake Cut.
Read MoreOn Tuesday, the University of Washington’s Office of Admissions announced its plans to begin distributing fines of up to $500 to students heard speaking negatively about any physical or metaphysical thing associated with the UW in front of tour groups. This decision comes after an unusually high number of admitted students electing to attend other universities in 2024.
Read MoreFor many years, both football fans and students alike have adored anthropomorphic mascot Harry the Husky. With his bombastic attitude, cheeky smile, and muscular physique, he truly lights up the stadium and brings it home every time he runs onto the field. But even the most studious college football scholars may not remember Harry the Husky’s whimsical companion: his human handler, Alan.
Read MoreSometimes, especially as a college student, you might find yourself eagerly anticipating your next paycheck. Worry not! META has a new solution for you- and all you have to do is sign over your dignity.
Read MoreLast night, UWPD apprehended a long-term target the organization had been chasing for months. The department is “more than pleased” with the outcome of this case, and wants to let UW students know that the campus is in “good hands.”
Read MoreWith the promise of adding New York Times Games subscriptions for all and Cooking subscriptions for the lucky, UW students are paying attention to the ASUW election for the first time ever. Well, except for poli-sci majors who fervently masturbate to C-SPAN. They’ve been voting in these for a while.
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