Man Debating Students in Quad Hired as Political Science Professor

In a statement released five days before the start of Winter Quarter, the University of Washington revealed that a new political science professor will be joining their staff.

“It has come to our attention that there is a man in the quad who has been sparking political debate akin to that of the Roman Forum,” said political science department head James D. Long. “We heard this man talking over 19-year olds really fast and we knew we had to hire him.”

The new professor was reportedly discovered in the quad trying to debate unprepared students in front of a video camera about topics of his choosing. He holds up thought provoking signs such as: “Prove to me why healthcare should be free,” or “Is the war in Gaza justified?” and “Should male seahorses be allowed to get abortions?” in an effort to challenge students to debates. 

The quad man will be teaching Devil's Advocacy 301, a class that is intended to foster political discourse and somehow make your roommate from Texas even more annoying. The class will host two lectures a week on the quad, and contrary to expectation the syllabus actually begins with a land acknowledgment. 

The syllabus also mentions that Devil's Advocacy 301 does not allow for DRS accommodations, with the new professor instead opting to line up all students with DRS requests and shoot them in front of the class. All class news will reportedly be lifted directly from Truth Social.

“I thought I recognized him from somewhere,” said first-year UW Political Science student Samantha Lyon. “When I was walking on the quad last week he held up a sign at my friends that said something like ‘You should go out with me – prove me wrong.’ I actually ended up having coffee with him. Makes sense why they hired him.”

Although Professor Quad Man encourages debate, the university will not be taking comments from any students or staff at this time in order to allow Professor Man to enjoy a smooth transition into his new job.