Opinion: Tyler Lockett is My Luka Doncic

What happened to the good old American concept of loyalty? Trust? Honorability?

Last week, news broke of the Seattle Seahawks releasing Tyler Lockett into free agency. Millions of tissue boxes were emptied in every Seattle household that day. It’s an issue for our eco-forward marketing as a city. More notably, though, we are losing an icon from the days of the Legion of Boom (trademarked) who still posts incredible statistics despite his…er, experienced age. Who else can pull together 7 touchdowns after having surgery for 12 pins in his hand? Who shall honorably and graciously carry the team in the locker room now? Who will balance out Metca—turns out we lost the right to type out his full name since his selfish ass decided to declare his will for the streets on the same day as Lockett’s announcement. Metca---, if you’re reading this, please come home. The kids miss you.

Now it seems that Geno Smith was traded away for a single third round pick. I honestly could not have written a more vicious headline if I tried myself. Good one, John Schneider. It would have been even better if you hadn’t squandered our last few years on him. I guess I can’t demand too much, though, from a man who produces better headlines than me. “Seahawks Disappointed in Loss” says Seahawks.com. Golly gee. You may be actively fielding open spots on your team, but if you ever need one yourself, Mr. Schneider, I humbly ask that you please consider Off Leash News.

Now we’ve secured Sam Darnold, who I don’t know much about except for the fact that he looks like a generic redhead Lego figure come to life. He also serves as confirmation that the Seattle Seahawks, like the Trump Administration, has shed all DEI missions and is going back to the good old white boy hope. I’d compare Darnold to Cooper Flagg, but I don’t think he has the same number of years of fantastic potential in front of him. I hope Darnold’s knees are ready for the pummeling that our lack of an offensive line is about to gift him.

And as for you, Mr. Mike Macdonald: you’re actually fine. I have nothing to say so far since I generally grant coaches a trial period of 2 years.

After a week of headlines, Seattle Seahawk fans have come to an agreement on the following prayer: Godspeed, Jaxon Smith-Njigba. Godspeed. And give us our Luka back, Schneider.