Rainier Vista Skyline Blocked Behind Paywall

April 11, 2024 by N.A.

This past Monday, students at the University of Washington were surprised to see an opaque glass barrier hanging in mid-air across the Rainier vista. The glass barrier appears to have been strategically placed to block the sight of Mt. Rainier from every angle, with no evidence of construction having undergone beforehand. When Off Leash News reached out to the University for an explanation, we were told that the view of the mountain will now be locked behind a paywall.

UW Fashion: Strap In 4 Spring, or Strap Off?

April 09, 2024 by Isaac B.

There are many signs around campus that spring hath indeed sprung. Students pretending to read on the quad, couples taking their wedding photos directly in your path to class at 9 in the morning, and weird amounts of middle schoolers roaming around in the Hub. But perhaps most notable and exciting are the increasingly warm-weather-oriented fashion choices that are spreading throughout the student body.

ASUW Announces Accompanying “16 and Pregnant” Section of Its Dating Show

April 04, 2024 by Mady B.

Recently, the Associated Students of the University of Washington, or ASUW, which is best known for sending you emails, came out with a bold new live dating show featuring students from our very own university. Unfortunately, none of our writers were able to get in. Let it be known we all applied, but none of us were selected. I received an email back only containing my headshot and the subject line “lol,” but bygones are bygones.

Popping the Tourism Cherry (Blossoms)

April 02, 2024 by A.S.

Spring has sprung in the University of Washington, which means that it’s going to start raining only six out of the seven days of the week, as opposed to eight. But with the oncoming of clearer skies and sunnier days, so does the onslaught of—you know them, you love them—tourists.

Breaking: Every Girl at the University of Washington Has a Boyfriend

March 29, 2024 by J.Z.

A shocking revelation has been presented to Off Leash News from esteemed reporter Jacob Dindler: every woman on University of Washington’s campus has a boyfriend.

Opinion: Buying a Coffee Today Could Put Your Future Family in Danger

March 27, 2024 by Lucy I.

A single-family home. A loving spouse. 2.5 kids. Doesn’t that sound nice? All of this could be in your future. But judging by the state of your life right now, it won’t be. The problem is that you have a terrible addiction: You can’t stop making daily purchases between $5-16. They come in all sorts of forms. A caramel macchiato with oat milk. A soy vanilla latte. A bagel with cream cheese. You need to buy something small, yummy, and slightly overpriced in order to feel some semblance of productivity for the rest of your day.

Student from Miami, FL Devastated to Find All Seattle Clubs Close at 8:00pm Sharp

March 14, 2024 by Lucy I.

The University of Washington is known for many things: groundbreaking research, a beautiful campus, a football team that exists and is pretty good sometimes, a lovable husky mascot, and a second, slightly creepier husky mascot. Not among these features is its spring break scene.

Opinion: Rebunking the STEM Superiority Complex

March 05, 2024 by A.S.

I’m probably not going to get canceled for this because I’m a STEM major, and STEM majors are always right… except during the release of the ugliest vehicle ever (which we can all unanimously agree is the Cybertruck.) Or the whole Neuralink idea. Or when one fumbled Grimes after naming their son after a G1 Transformers sound effect. Or how Twitter’s title was changed to something you’d probably expect on 18+ sites, or one of those discord servers. You know what I’m talking about.

On the Road: Seattle and Pittsburgh are More than Sisters

February 29, 2024 by Blake J.

Us Seattleites sure do love our pits. So much so that we formally recognized Pittsburgh, PA as our official sister city on September 10th, 2001. To continue to foster our understanding of our dear sister city, I recently spent a weekend in Pittsburgh.

UW Requires Classes to be Recorded: That Means No More Class

February 27, 2024 by J.Z.

Last week, an administration change required that all classes at the University of Washington record their lectures through Panopto and post them to Canvas to give students a chance to review classes they were absent for.

UW STEM Departments Facing Backlash After Passive-Aggressive Emails

February 22, 2024 by Lucy I.

In the past week, nearly one hundred students have reported finding strange emails in their personal inboxes sent from addresses within the University of Washington domain. Senders include faculty members from the Paul G. Allen School of Computer Science and Engineering, the Michael G. Foster School of Business, the Phineas Flynn College of Engineering, and other STEM-related departments.

Study Finds 100% of UW Students Direct Descendants of George Washington

February 20, 2024 by Mady B.

Last week, a ground-breaking research team compared samples of George Washington (G) DNA and the entire University of Washington-Seattle Campus. Verdict says: He is the father!

Hall Health Offers to Fix Your Ex This Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2024 by Julia D.

They broke your heart, and you never want to love again. Or have sex. Isn’t it fair you do the same thing to them? Hall Health certainly thinks so. That’s why they’ve rolled out a Sex-No-More program that will ensure you can rest easy this Valentine’s Day.

Chiefs Super Bowl Win Rescinded Following Doping Allegations

February 12, 2024 by J.Z.

The Kansas City Chiefs once again captured the Lombardi Trophy on Sunday night, beating the San Francisco 49ers in a stunning overtime victory. Celebrations were halted, however, when league officials released a statement a few hours later saying their win was to be investigated on account of the entire Chiefs team, including head coach Andy Reid, using performance enhancing drugs.

Hazing at UW Up 300% After Consequential Email

February 08, 2024 by Theo L.

On January 7th, the UW community received a hilarious email detailing a new anti-hazing program for all three campuses. What many thought to be a joke turned out to be a serious attempt at eliminating hazing from the university. Students were told to complete a course, titled, “Hazing Prevention 101 – College Edition,” which up to this point only 0.12% of the student body has completed.

King Charles III Is Sick, Definitely Not Butt Problem

February 06, 2024 by Julia D.

Buckingham Palace put out a statement Monday, February 5th, detailing that current British monarch, King Charles, has been diagnosed with cancer. But it’s super unrelated to the big butt problem he had a few weeks ago where his prostate, which is located in the butt, got really big. Don’t worry.

UW to Offer New Club Sport: Mermaids

February 01, 2024 by Lucy I.

Great news is here for all former 8 year old girls. With the completion of the IMA Pool, the UW Rec Clubs program will be offering a new water sport as of Spring 2024: mermaids.

U-District Safeway Enforcing New Customer Dress Code

January 30, 2024 by Blake J.

On Monday, the Safeway located at the intersection of Brooklyn Ave and NE 50th Street announced that they would be enforcing a dress code for all customers, effective immediately. Officials at the store stated that the dress code will be strictly enforced and that any customer who did not adhere to the code would not be allowed to shop at the establishment.

Music Major Still Holding Out Hope for Ska Class

January 25, 2024 by M.L.

Earlier this week, Off Leash news got a chance to speak with Darron Barenett, a concerned student hoping to publicize a struggle he’s facing at the University of Washington. Darron is a music major set to graduate at the end of this year, but he expresses worries that the university has not fulfilled a key aspect of his education: a proper examination of ska music and its history.

Breaking: Your Crush Wears A Bike Helmet

January 23, 2024 by Isaac B.

Look! There’s that cute person in your quiz section you noticed the first day of class. You’ve caught their eye a few times and maybe they smiled. One day they ask you how you are, your name, or how you felt about the homework. Before you know it you’re making regular small talk. Everything is going perfectly.