King Charles III Is Sick, Definitely Not Butt Problem

Buckingham Palace put out a statement Monday, February 5th, detailing that current British monarch, King Charles, has been diagnosed with cancer. But it’s super unrelated to the big butt problem he had a few weeks ago where his prostate, which is located in the butt, got really big. Don’t worry. 

The 75 year old ex-husband of global sweetheart Princess Diana is said to be stepping away from his royal duties to undergo treatment. From what we know, it’s clear that the treatment will be far away from his prostate and butt, because his butt is okay. 

The man with the dumbo ears and sausage fingers is said to be in contact with both of his sons, and former Prince Harry will be traveling to the UK within the next few days. See guys, it’s not butt related. If it was butt related he’d be so ashamed that he wouldn’t have his son fly out to see him deal with butt stuff. 

BBC has reported that he’s traveled to a bunch of different places, and that he’s gonna keep traveling, but most of those places seem made up. Quick, guess which of these places is a real place in the UK: Boggy Bottom, Giggleswick, Cumwhinton, or Cockington. 

That’s a trick question. They’re all real places. But Royal Mister Healthy Butt isn't cool enough to go to any of those. That’s why Britain lost its empire, if I’m being for real.

When we reached out to Buckingham Palace for comment, they told us that, quote, “the Royal Rosebud is in tip-top shape. It’s not bum related at all. His Highnessess’ arse is in peaky-weaky condition.”

Whatever that means.