A tantrum broke out at the Burke museum this past week, as local paleontologist Greg Polinsky began destroying dinosaur fossils in a fit of passion. “I DON’T WANNA PLAY WITH DINOSAURS ANYMORE” yelled the 56 year old, smashing a baseball bat into the skull of a Spinosaurus. Fragments of glass and fossilized bone spewed over the floor.

Sunday that when the Student goes to the HUB. It keeps the student try to go. This problem is very much there. Because there are student, they and the University are on Sunday when that happened. This is why:

Every time student go to the HUB it try to University too. But why? This is because that when University go, student go too. This is very sad. Faculty at UW try too. But fail. Unfortunately, this is at a heavy price but also when midterm yesterday and the other but behind in the but here’s the thing: mother’s folder in the orientation. But when. When? And why? Help me.

Let’s face it: a beloved mascot dying is nothing to joke about. Dubs was not only a symbol of school pride for many, but a relief from the everyday stresses of undergraduate life.

Like many of you, when Dubs died I was super excited at the possibilities this situation presented. Being in online classes can get so boring and I really don’t want to go to them. So in honor of Dubs I made a list of 10 ways that I have (and you should) use his euthanization as a means to get out of zoom, and be happier because of it.

Several University of Washington Fraternities were thrust into the hot seat this past Monday after reports arose of sulfur-based biochemical warfare agents being released during a hotboxing event. UW Administration was quick to react, stating that there would be measures taken to prevent future injuries.

“We really mean it this time,” said an anonymous faculty member. “If this happens again, we are going to get super mad.” This…

In a shocking turn of events this past week, the London street artist Banksy came forward as the man behind nearly every major news story of 2020. In a recent Instagram post, Banksy had this to say for himself:

“I don’t keep my identity secret because I want it to be separate from my art. It is because I wish to cover up my crimes of treason, chemical and biological warfare.”

Banksy began to list out a series of shocking events that he played a part in.

“Iranian general Qasem Soleimani was killed on the orders of me because I ran out of things to make art about. Also I thought…

His brow sweating with the persistence of a leaking deep fryer, Chick-Fil-A CEO Dan T. Cathy stood before a group of his fast food empire’s top executives. Gripping the board room table, knuckles whiter than the meat served to customers, his face contorted into the ecstasy of a youth pastor finally losing his virginity. “WE FUCKING DID IT,” he cried. Ripping off his button-down to reveal a Black Lives Matter t-shirt, Cathy and the entire board room began dancing with the skills of decapitated poultry to ear-splitting Christian rock music.

Chick-Fil-A has been a company long acquainted with controversy involving the LGBTQ community. However, the…

With the current lockdown restrictions in Washington state, many businesses have been struggling to continue operations while following proper social distancing procedures. However, the new Seattle-based social media startup, Quaran-time, has the solution: simply hire someone else to stay inside for you!

This week, Off Leash News sent a reporter to speak with undergraduate advisor Zachary Morrison about the importance of community building for new students. Contorting his face into a pained smile, Morrison explained the importance of joining a FIG. “I would say that all freshman should join a FIG in their first quarter. It helps you meet so many new people, and it’s a great opportunity to make this university feel just a bit smaller.” His smile immediately began to fade, the façade of plastered glee peeling off. This was the first glimpse of the broken man hiding underneath khaki shorts and a ‘Go Dawgs!’ sweatshirt.