Students Want More Construction, Poll Says

In a recent poll of every single student on campus, it was determined students don’t think there’s enough construction. This comes after years of total silence on campus, a dry spell from UW’s usual desired and timely renovations or new builds. Fourth year Figgs Putney, of Putney Lube fame, remarked on how it was a little too easy and convenient navigating everyday life on campus in his years here.

“I go to the IMA, where I can take a shower,” he said. “And then I don’t have to walk 20 minutes back to my dorm all sweaty. It’s too convenient.”

Putney is referring to the notoriously open IMA locker rooms, which many students wished were closed for renovations with the reopening date constantly being extended. It’s a shared sentiment that the IMA suffers from a severe lack of naked old people airing their genitals out in the locker rooms. 

Reports also state that students don’t even want the construction for newer facilities. They don’t care about state of the art asbestos-free living conditions. These ungrateful little piggies just want less convenience in their day to day lives.

“I wish there was something to wake me up at eight every single morning,” stated astronomy major Ben Wieners. “I think if I complain hard enough, they’ll build another Foster building. Maybe they’ll even tear down Denny to make room for it.”

While tearing down historic humanities buildings to make room for another space for business students to dream about open-mouth kissing their CEO fathers does appeal to Foster, a spokesperson for the school stated they have no future plans to construct any new buildings. They did refer students to the ROTC units, who claimed they were “more than happy” to hold their little shouty practices 24/7, and extra loud on finals weeks.