UW to Offer One Class for Spring 2023

As Spring approaches, many students begin to dream of graduating, soaking up some sun, and no longer wanting to eat glass. After all, it is the season of renewal. But fantasies of escaping this well financially, but poor penisly, endowed institution may soon be squashed for the class of Spring 2023. 

Instead of offering the usual seemingly infinite different and unique classes, this Spring quarter will only offer one class. Administration still hasn’t decided on what it is yet, so there’s a chance about one or two of the fourth years may still graduate. They’ll probably be English majors too. God. Just what we need. 

Voting for this Spring’s class will be held March 11th. The current frontrunners for class options include ENGL 131: Introduction to Exposition, ASTR 150: the Planets, and NUM 4: Four. Students who are already “registered” for “classes” will be able to fight for a chance at a spot on March 12, but only if MyPlan is working. It won’t be. Even though the theoretical registration period is already in period 2, soon previously registered classes will be erased and the slots they held on MyUW schedules will be replaced by a GIF of two dancing hotdogs. 

After seeing the dancing hotdogs myself, I can report that they’re super creepy. I’m getting shivers just thinking about it. They’re not like the Snapchat dancing hotdog that graced our iPhone 6 phone screens in 2017. Something about their open, meaty smiles not faltering while they do their endless shimmy makes it hard for me to sleep at night. Soon they’ll haunt students beyond just me. It marks a dark day in our community, but it will be comforting to no longer suffer this torment alone.

Fourth years with previous plans to graduate may be able to plead their case to Ana Marie Cauce. They may be able to graduate, but only if they say pretty please. Reports also claim that they’ll have to attend her tea party, which, of course, is BYOTCTOSAO) (bring your own tiny ceramic teacup to slurp air out of).