I Don’t Know About Sports, but I am for Sure Blacking Out Tonight

I’d like to extend my official congratulations to the Husky football team for beating Oregon not just once, but twice this year. And for winning the championship or whatever. Better to lose to an SEC school where the players will have to face hordes of gun owners if they lose. This win is monumental for the history of the program, marking our first ever 13-0 season, but also for the community as UTI medication flies off those pharmacy shelves to aid those who jumped into Drumheller. 

Football has always eluded me. I’ve never understood it, and I never will. For example, what does a “pick six” mean? The only picking six I do is when I pick up a six pack from Safeway. I’m just kidding. Buy bulk. Six won’t even last you an hour. Not if you’re drinking like a champion. 

The terminology used in football is entertaining enough that I gave up on trying to understand the politics of it, and now just giggle at what the announcers say. Tight end. Haha butt. Sack. Self explanatory. Bump and run. That’s what I did to your mom last night. Drinking, though, is never a laughing matter. 

I take my duties as a 19 and 22 year old student of a championship winning team very seriously, and I will not be retaining any memories of this weekend. Maybe it’s because I’m writing this already hungover, but I’m very optimistic I will not only meet but exceed expectations with how much I drink.

There are celebrations to be had, vandalism to be committed, and Oregon students to gloat over. This is our division, dawg pack. Woof woof.