Boeing Named Title Sponsor of Montlake Cut

May 07, 2024 by Theo L.

The Washington based aviation company, Boeing, has been in the news recently for all of the wrong reasons. From doors flying off their airplanes, maybe definitely killing whistleblowers, and a bunch of other stuff that I don’t want to research, the company’s public image is in a complete free fall. Curiously, however, the University of Washington, this past Monday, named Boeing as the title sponsor of the popular swimming spot and also crew racing course, the Montlake Cut.

Students to be Fined for Disparaging UW in Front of Tour Groups

April 30, 2024 by Lucy I.

On Tuesday, the University of Washington’s Office of Admissions announced its plans to begin distributing fines of up to $500 to students heard speaking negatively about any physical or metaphysical thing associated with the UW in front of tour groups. This decision comes after an unusually high number of admitted students electing to attend other universities in 2024.

Remembering UW's Forgotten Mascot, Alan

April 25, 2024 by N.A.

For many years, both football fans and students alike have adored anthropomorphic mascot Harry the Husky. With his bombastic attitude, cheeky smile, and muscular physique, he truly lights up the stadium and brings it home every time he runs onto the field. But even the most studious college football scholars may not remember Harry the Husky’s whimsical companion: his human handler, Alan.

META to Debut Entirely New Line of Credit: Your Dignity

April 23, 2024 by C.H.

Sometimes, especially as a college student, you might find yourself eagerly anticipating your next paycheck. Worry not! META has a new solution for you- and all you have to do is sign over your dignity.

UWPD Apprehends Dangerous Student Criminal

April 18, 2024 by J.Z.

Last night, UWPD apprehended a long-term target the organization had been chasing for months. The department is “more than pleased” with the outcome of this case, and wants to let UW students know that the campus is in “good hands.”

All ASUW Election Candidates Old as Shit

April 16, 2024 by Julia D.

With the promise of adding New York Times Games subscriptions for all and Cooking subscriptions for the lucky, UW students are paying attention to the ASUW election for the first time ever. Well, except for poli-sci majors who fervently masturbate to C-SPAN. They’ve been voting in these for a while.

Obituary: The Juice is Uhhhhh

April 12, 2024 by Blake J.

Orenthal James Simpson, more commonly known as OJ Simpson or “The Juice,” passed away on April 11, 2024. A statement released from OJ’s family relieved that The Juice had passed due to complications with prostate cancer. As with many events surrounding OJ’s life, there appear to be details that are unclear with the situation at hand.

Rainier Vista Skyline Blocked Behind Paywall

April 11, 2024 by N.A.

This past Monday, students at the University of Washington were surprised to see an opaque glass barrier hanging in mid-air across the Rainier vista. The glass barrier appears to have been strategically placed to block the sight of Mt. Rainier from every angle, with no evidence of construction having undergone beforehand. When Off Leash News reached out to the University for an explanation, we were told that the view of the mountain will now be locked behind a paywall.

UW Fashion: Strap In 4 Spring, or Strap Off?

April 09, 2024 by Isaac B.

There are many signs around campus that spring hath indeed sprung. Students pretending to read on the quad, couples taking their wedding photos directly in your path to class at 9 in the morning, and weird amounts of middle schoolers roaming around in the Hub. But perhaps most notable and exciting are the increasingly warm-weather-oriented fashion choices that are spreading throughout the student body.

ASUW Announces Accompanying “16 and Pregnant” Section of Its Dating Show

April 04, 2024 by Mady B.

Recently, the Associated Students of the University of Washington, or ASUW, which is best known for sending you emails, came out with a bold new live dating show featuring students from our very own university. Unfortunately, none of our writers were able to get in. Let it be known we all applied, but none of us were selected. I received an email back only containing my headshot and the subject line “lol,” but bygones are bygones.

Popping the Tourism Cherry (Blossoms)

April 02, 2024 by A.S.

Spring has sprung in the University of Washington, which means that it’s going to start raining only six out of the seven days of the week, as opposed to eight. But with the oncoming of clearer skies and sunnier days, so does the onslaught of—you know them, you love them—tourists.

Breaking: Every Girl at the University of Washington Has a Boyfriend

March 29, 2024 by J.Z.

A shocking revelation has been presented to Off Leash News from esteemed reporter Jacob Dindler: every woman on University of Washington’s campus has a boyfriend.

Opinion: Buying a Coffee Today Could Put Your Future Family in Danger

March 27, 2024 by Lucy I.

A single-family home. A loving spouse. 2.5 kids. Doesn’t that sound nice? All of this could be in your future. But judging by the state of your life right now, it won’t be. The problem is that you have a terrible addiction: You can’t stop making daily purchases between $5-16. They come in all sorts of forms. A caramel macchiato with oat milk. A soy vanilla latte. A bagel with cream cheese. You need to buy something small, yummy, and slightly overpriced in order to feel some semblance of productivity for the rest of your day.

Student from Miami, FL Devastated to Find All Seattle Clubs Close at 8:00pm Sharp

March 14, 2024 by Lucy I.

The University of Washington is known for many things: groundbreaking research, a beautiful campus, a football team that exists and is pretty good sometimes, a lovable husky mascot, and a second, slightly creepier husky mascot. Not among these features is its spring break scene.

Opinion: Rebunking the STEM Superiority Complex

March 05, 2024 by A.S.

I’m probably not going to get canceled for this because I’m a STEM major, and STEM majors are always right… except during the release of the ugliest vehicle ever (which we can all unanimously agree is the Cybertruck.) Or the whole Neuralink idea. Or when one fumbled Grimes after naming their son after a G1 Transformers sound effect. Or how Twitter’s title was changed to something you’d probably expect on 18+ sites, or one of those discord servers. You know what I’m talking about.

On the Road: Seattle and Pittsburgh are More than Sisters

February 29, 2024 by Blake J.

Us Seattleites sure do love our pits. So much so that we formally recognized Pittsburgh, PA as our official sister city on September 10th, 2001. To continue to foster our understanding of our dear sister city, I recently spent a weekend in Pittsburgh.

UW Requires Classes to be Recorded: That Means No More Class

February 27, 2024 by J.Z.

Last week, an administration change required that all classes at the University of Washington record their lectures through Panopto and post them to Canvas to give students a chance to review classes they were absent for.

UW STEM Departments Facing Backlash After Passive-Aggressive Emails

February 22, 2024 by Lucy I.

In the past week, nearly one hundred students have reported finding strange emails in their personal inboxes sent from addresses within the University of Washington domain. Senders include faculty members from the Paul G. Allen School of Computer Science and Engineering, the Michael G. Foster School of Business, the Phineas Flynn College of Engineering, and other STEM-related departments.

Study Finds 100% of UW Students Direct Descendants of George Washington

February 20, 2024 by Mady B.

Last week, a ground-breaking research team compared samples of George Washington (G) DNA and the entire University of Washington-Seattle Campus. Verdict says: He is the father!

Hall Health Offers to Fix Your Ex This Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2024 by Julia D.

They broke your heart, and you never want to love again. Or have sex. Isn’t it fair you do the same thing to them? Hall Health certainly thinks so. That’s why they’ve rolled out a Sex-No-More program that will ensure you can rest easy this Valentine’s Day.