UW students organized outside of admin buildings this past weekend to protest the school’s purported failure to deliver on promises made to them. “The Pagliacci in Local Point is still closed even though they said it’d reopen,” one student claimed. “I joined an LLC and it was exactly the same as every other floor in my dorm building,” said another.

When asked for a comment, the leader of the rally said, “We just feel that the inconsistent hours of restaurants, increasing prices, and the lack of transparency from admin is really unfair to the student body.”

After hours of marching, the director of UW HFS agreed to have a meeting with representatives from the rally. When the representatives stated what their problems with the current state of the school were, Ian Ferdil, the HFS director, stared blankly back at them. After a long pause he finally responded, “What’s the problem? I don’t understand.”

“You’re making promises you aren’t keeping,” said one of the representatives, followed by a round of yeah’s from the others

Again, Ian stared at them, “Oh, you mean the things we say on the website? What’s the big deal? It’s just a website, it’s not like it needs to correlate with real life.”

“Yes it does. Otherwise that’s a bait-and-switch, which is illegal.”

A look of horror spread across Ian’s face as all blood drained from it. “What?! We have to deliver on those things? Oh no, no, no no no, there’s no way we can stay afloat if we actually have to keep every restaurant that we say is open, open.” Holding his head in his hands, the HFS director sat sobbing for a long time before saying, “We thought it was like land acknowledgements, or statements on commitments to diversity and community, ya know? Like you just say them without actually doing anything.”

When it was explained to Ferdil that making promises about fostering inclusivity and community also entailed having to follow through, the director did not speak for a whole five minutes, at a complete loss for words. He then had the entourage of students ushered out of the room by his secretary, saying that he had to make some phone calls.