Dear Shonda Rhimes,

I like many things. I like warm days, chocolate croissants, and when cats know how to open doors. I like laughing, giggling, womanhood, and doing nothing at all. What I don’t like, however, is Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story.

Most of it is fine. The plot is kind of bad at times, but nobody is watching or reading anything Bridgerton related for the plot. Personally, I watch it for the hot sex. Or if my mom is reading this, I watch it because I like history, please don’t talk to me about the sex parts. I still don’t know what that is, and I also don’t have it, so you can also stop ordering me Plan Bs every two weeks. 

Although I did watch the entire series within 48 hours of it coming out, there were a few things that made it nearly unwatchable. Number one, I hate pomeranians. Every time I saw that stupid fucking dog on screen it made me want to throw up into my laptop’s USB-C ports so that it would break and I’d never have to see that rat bastard excuse for a dog again. 

Number two is King George (young) looked just enough like my dad to make me uncomfortable. I didn’t put the puzzle together until the last episode, but the entire time I watched I was sitting there thinking, “Man, why do I feel like this guy is about to start talking to me about the navy?” or alternatively, “Why does he have hair? I don’t think this guy should have hair. Something about this guy having hair feels very wrong.” 

Number three was that I don’t know how to interpret the ending, specifically with Reynolds and Brimsley. Now, I may be wrong, but I was picking up some sexual tension between them, and I believe there may be homosexual undertones to their friendship. Is that why Reynolds disappeared? Did he come out and move to New York City to become an annoying twink who talks about Met Gala fashion on Instagram Reels?

Thus, Shonda, I have a proposal for you: redo the series. Delete it off Netflix and start again, but also hire me as your creative consultant so I can keep the set free of pomeranians and men who look like my father when he was young. To do this, we will keep set far away from the ocean, boats, naval bases, and small dog parks. Also, give us another series on Reynolds’ life. I want to watch him do poppers, give recently divorced middle aged white women fashion advice, and say hunty. Please consider my ideas, I spent a very normal amount of time on them.  

Love you!

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