News broke Wednesday, October 16, that One Direction “star” Liam Payne has died after falling from a Buenos Aires balcony, much to the dismay of many fans. The “singer” was reportedly behaving erratically and was believed to be under the influence of drugs and alcohol. 

Payne, who generally fell off in addition to falling from the balcony, initially rose to fame singing hits such as “What Makes You Beautiful,” “Night Changes,” and “Live While We’re Young.” Later in his career, he released songs peaking at the mid to lower charts, such as “Strip that Down,” and I can’t think of anything else. 

“I don’t know who that is,” said my real life coworker Leon Liebmann, “He made audio for females. It’s time for a nourishing meal.” He then went on to pull a white Monster energy drink from his roller backpack. This was far more entertaining than the recent years of real life white monster Payne’s career. 

Controversy was also sparked, not only by Payne’s actions, but because TMZ opted to include pictures of the tattoos, on his corpse, to “identify the body.” At Off Leash News, we solemnly condemn the releasing of any photographs of any kind, except for hole. Our official stance on hole pics is “yum.” 

For those saying we have no respect for the dead, and that we’re disparaging his memory, do you really want to be the one defending the legacy of Mr. Child Bride Abortion? Also, we don’t generally have respect for the living either. Plus, what are you even gonna do about it pussy?