After frustration and capacity concerns with on-campus housing, HFS has developed an innovative solution to accommodating students: live in someone’s aunt’s house. This approach was created after an HFS staff member overstayed his welcome on a Hinge date and thought it wasn’t half bad. 

“Sorry you couldn’t get a ‘dorm’ with ‘people your own age’ or whatever, but Dylan’s mom’s sister has no kids and smells nice so I don’t see what the problem is,” said HFS Director Michael Peters. 

What would have been the engineering Living Learning Community will now be “Donna’s Crew”, a group of sophomores who will live on the ground floor of her Green Lake duplex in exchange for lifting the wheels on her Subaru Forester. 

“I think we’ve found a very untapped resource in childless aunts,” said Peters. “As long as the marriage rate keeps going down we won’t have to build more dorms.” 

Staff spent hours scouring nearby wineries and floppy hat boutiques searching for other perky 30-somethings to house those who could not secure a room in the HFS lottery. These lucky students will be able to live in what used to be the craft closets and Peloton rooms of various aunt volunteers for the 2022-2023 school year.

“We’re happy to have them!” said Sheri, a 45-year-old freelance podiatrist. “I don’t want kids but I need more people to watch “House Hunters” with so it’s a win for everyone.”