JB

Due to college students increasingly dropping out to join the industry, Foster School of Business has finally decided to update their course catalogue and offer for the first time a Multi-Level Marketing class this upcoming Winter.

Tucker, a Foster student interested in pursuing alternative business lamented his frustrations with the current lack of multi-level marketing curriculum.

“Well, I just think it’s kinda bullshit, because my parents are paying all this money for me to go to college and I wanna learn something actually worth learning, you know.” After taking a long rip of his Suorin, Tucker continued: “Like my brother, Hunter, he’s killing it. He sells this shit called Herbalife. Dropped out of college AND making six figures. And by that I mean he WILL BE after he gets seven more people to join. God, what a fucking man. Oh, by the way have you heard of Herbalife before? Because it’s actually pretty dope and my brother told me to tell people about it.”

The core of the class will cover a variety of topics crucial to understanding introductory multi-level marketing. Subjects will range from the gentle art of selling essential oils, how to curb those suicidal thoughts that will form when you haven’t made one sale all month, and examining current research on the best methods of contacting kids you went to middle school with. Included among these professors are experts in the field such as Richard P. Goudis, successful businessman and current CEO of Herbalife.

A Foster School administrator, explained, “We are concerned that current UW students are missing important career opportunities in this emerging industry that are typically only available to their moms. A multi-level marketing class would open opportunities for Foster students to get a foot in the door of this competitive enterprise. Students who take the class may even apply for a prestigious internship at a big name company such as Herbalife. Truly a fantastic company, Herbalife. Have you heard of it?” 

If the class is popular and student demand is high enough, then Foster may even consider adding a multi-level marketing major. After the newly added class, students would then proceed to take higher level classes and learn more advanced methods of multi-level marketing. However, Foster has informed us that to take these higher level classes not only would students be required to take the introductory class as a prerequisite, but each student must also recommend it to fifteen of their friends.

So if you are looking for an interesting and practical class to fill your schedule this Winter, consider Multi-level Marketing 101. Please consider it. Please. I still need a few more people to register for it, so I can take the next class.