Ah, winter. The season where everything dies, Twitter is filled with complaints of seasonal depression, and your classmate reminds you they’re from a colder climate. We here at Off Leash see you, out of state students from frozen wastelands, and we want you to know you’re heard. So you can stop telling everyone that winters are worse in the hell you originated in. 

Much like students from the Bay Area, this issue plagues our campus. Once it dips below 50 degrees and the black North Face puffers start to emerge, a horde of students can be overheard telling no one in particular that this weather is their average summer day. It gets even worse when it snows, and they interrupt everyone else’s frolicking with tales of walking to school reminiscent of your grandparents telling you what life was like before electricity. Truly, no one cares about that one time you got frostbite sitting in your Honda Civic in your high school’s parking lot.  

You live in Seattle now, and it’s time to start acting like it. Fifty degrees is cold. Forty-nine degrees may as well be the Arctic. It’s time to put away your L.L. Bean winter coat with the fur-lined hood and pick up some Patagonia rainwear. Trade in your snow boots for some Doc Martens. Also, please stop wearing shorts. I don’t want to see your unshampooed leg hairs and dry, cracking skin in my communications lectures.

To everyone from a normal area where it stays normal temperatures year round, try to have patience with these fools. Nothing here quite replicates the feeling of your entire body going numb, and they need to fill that void. Listen to them talk about how all the colleges in their home state have underground tunnel networks. Sympathize with them when they complain about someone from SoCal saying it’s cold. Or you can tell them the SoCal person was complaining about them saying it’s hot, and pit them against each other. Sell tickets to the fight for some extra cash on the side. Everything can be profitable when you are in the right grindset. Just remember, it’s not their fault their parents chose to raise them in an environment where you can’t go outside for half the year.