The Washington based aviation company, Boeing, has been in the news recently for all of the wrong reasons. From doors flying off their airplanes, maybe definitely killing whistleblowers, and a bunch of other stuff that I don’t want to research, the company’s public image is in a complete free fall. Curiously, however, the University of Washington, this past Monday, named Boeing as the title sponsor of the popular swimming spot and also crew racing course, the Montlake Cut.

“We’re extremely pleased to announce our renewed partnership with Boeing,” said UW President Ana Mari Cauce in a press release. “After some internal discussions, we’ve decided to give Boeing at least one more chance, and then after that four more chances. They told us that they’re trying real hard and that was enough for me.”

As part of the deal, Cauce will receive a brand new BBJ 737-7 jet airplane, (Boeing Blow-Job Plane). The President insists, however, that this was not a deal maker by any means, although “the blow job will be a welcome gift.”

Third-year UW student and Tim Robinson impersonator, Tom Ribosome expressed hesitations over the details of the sponsorship.

“I guess I just don’t get it,” said Ribosome in an interview conducted in Off Leash News’ official Alaska Airlines Interview Room. “Why do they have to throw a sponsor on everything at this place, what the heck? I love the cut. I love the water, I love the hot-ass college students in their bathing suits, and I love swimming after beer that some sunburnt 40-year-old threw me from his speed boat, but slapping Boeing’s name on it really cheapens it, and makes me feel sad and confused.”

The UW Aquatics Club and the UW Rowing Team both plan to protest the Boeing deal by human-bridging themselves across the water so that no boats can pass through. Luckily, since the average height of the rowing team members is 6’9”, the feat is likely achievable.

On May 9th, the university and Boeing will unveil the brand-new look to the cut, which will make it the second most important thing that happens on May 9th.* Instead of inspirational quotes from the rowing teams of years past, the concrete sides of the cut will say “Boeing-Montlake Cut,” one-hundred and fifty-one times down to the ends. The event will also include a fly-over from just 50 feet by Cauce’s new plane, which is expected to deafen anyone in the vicinity and kill all people or ducks swimming in the cut.

While this news may be disheartening to some, it is the news so wah-wah.

*The most important thing happening on May 9th is of course Off Leash Live, our 3rd annual live comedy show which is taking place in the Ethnic Cultural Theater at 8pm. We would love to have you there, dear reader.